Could be.

I grew up in the rural portion of a southern state. I always knew I was gay, but I tried hard not to be for many years, which resulted in a failed marriage to a woman and more self-hatred and heartache than I care to remember. A few years ago, I decided to stop living a lie and I came out, met an amazing partner and relocated to Massachusetts, where we were married. I’m happy to report that my ex-wife and I are even closer friends than we ever were before (which I realize makes me a very lucky man). Before I made my great escape, there was an ugly incident from which I am still trying to recover. The last time I saw my grandmother, she didn’t hug me back when I greeted her. Someone had outed me to her, and my father’s sister, who still lives at home, informed me that I was no longer welcome there. My grandmother, who I’d always thought of as wise and loving, just sat by and watched her daughter make “the hit.” That was nearly three years ago, but I still find myself reliving that crushing moment. Here’s what I’m wrestling with at the moment: My grandmother is not well. I know I can forgive, in time, and that it would behoove me to do just that, but re-establishing communication is a separate issue. Part of me feels I will regret it if I don’t call her, but the other part of me is painfully aware that phone lines run in both directions and that I didn’t do anything wrong. I worry that calling would mean pretending that nothing happened. Any thoughts?

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You’re right, phone lines DO run in both directions, and so does shame, self-hate, acceptance, and forgiveness.

You have NO IDEA what you’re grandmother is out there feeling or thinking.  If she is so wise, maybe she’s come to her senses in the past three years?  Maybe she is out there, on her death bed, afraid of calling YOU for fear of not being forgiven?

You have options.  You can suck it up, and call.  Could be she’s had a change of heart and wants to beg forgiveness before her end of days?  Could be the two of you cry like little school girls and you feel so totally relieved that you called! 

Could be she HASNT had a change of heart.  Could be she still thinks that gays are blasphemers and are all going to hell?  Could be only YOU cry as you relive the pain of that day all over again.  Could be she hasn’t had a change of heart and you realize that the phone call was all very anti-climactic seeing as you’re a grown man, in a loving relationship, and are happy in your life after all?

Or…you can sit in your upset and not call…and the both of you can go to your graves having never had the chance to see what could have happened.

His Mother took us to the Cleaners…via the bank…

I cant really get into it right now, because I still havent got all the details from my bank.

BUT.

My fiancees mother has been stealing money from our account!! Shes been going into our bank, but not our usual branch, and pretending to be me.

She has cleaned out seven thousand dollars, shes litterally taken out $1000 15 minuites ago and CLOSED THE ACCOUNT.

I only found out about it because I was on the phone to my bank manager asking him to sort out a transfer from our account into our holiday savings accound and he saw the money withdrawn then and there. Called the branch it was withdrawn from and got them to prevent the person withdrawing the cash from leaving, spoke to them on the phone and it was [His]  MOTHER!!!

My bank manager is going through all our records as I type this and is getting a list of all transactions between now and 1st December 08. Anything thats been withdrawn in that time wasnt taken out by us as we have been living in Scotland and have been unable to get to our bank, which means it has to have been taken out by her.

Im sick to death of that woman. Im having to stay with her untill Saturday when we move into our own place again. She has this thing about us owing her money, and all our money being hers. All because 3 years ago she lent me $500 for a root canal – which I paid back within 3 days.

Im not looking forward to everyone coming home tonight because there is going to be a huge shitfight over the whole thing.

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As well there SHOULD be a huge “shitfight”!!! In fact, and I am probably overstepping my bounds right here, but there should ALSO be some police involvment!!!  What she did is a crime and should be treated thusly.

Or, maybe that’s just be getting all heated because something similar happened in my own family. 

My suggestion would certainly be to discuss this situation with your fiance before confronting his mother.  Despite the fact she’s committed a serious crime against the two of you, she’s still his mom and he may have some reservations about being so angry.  And I gotta tell you, there could be no worse scenario than to have you assume he’s got your back when confronting her, only to find that he sides with HER! 

Collect your evidence from the bank and discuss with your fiance how the two of you would like to proceed.  Try and keep a cool head.  I know that’s easier said than done…but nobody looks good coming off like raging psycho.  She’s sure to try and deny or rationalize her actions. 

Be clear about what you want to say beforehand AND how you want things to play out.  If you don’t have a “plan” in mind, things could get seriously out of control and off track.

And I can’t reitterate this enough…MAKE SURE YOUR FIANCE IS ON BOARD!!!

Good luck!

It’s the Pits!

So I noticed this morning while showering my armpit was hurting, but I put it down to sleeping funny or something dumb and kinda ignored it. But it’s been achey all day so I just checked and there’s a lump towards the bottom of my armpit, at first I thought ingrown hair but it’s nothing like that, it’s really hard, not red or inflamed, about the size of an index fingernail and the surrounding area aches when I move my arm around and obviously the actual lump hurts to touch.

I just had my yearly physical and my GYN didn’t find anything weird in my breast exam…

I’ve been under the weather but nothing too serious, I was a lot worse a couple of months ago and a lot of people I know are under the weather but not complaining of a freakin hard armpit lump haha.

Any ideas???

*******

First of all, congrats on being responsible and having an annual exam.  Many of us (me) don’t.  So thank you for being a fine role model of good health!!!

Now, go visit your doctor again.  Not to say there’s anything serious going on, but if the lump doesn’t disappear on it’s own in say, a week, or something…it’s a good idea to have a pro look at it.

Our bodies are amazing pieces of work capable of all kinds of fun things like randomly producing lumps in strange places.  Could be the tumor you hope it’s not.  Could be a hair so ingrown you don’t recognize it.  Could be a strained muscle? Could be that since you were under the weather your lymph system got overworked and one of the nodes is inflamed?  Could be you’re imagination! 

My entirely unprofessional advice would be something like, drink lots of water and keep an eye on it for a week.  If it doesn’t improve or disappear entirely, call your doctor.  Obviously if it gets worse, call your doctor immediately. 

And of course, try to relax!  Don’t worry about anything until there is something to worry about!  Nine times out of ten, our imagination is far worse than whatever reality turns out to be!!!